Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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