well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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