listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
