The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
