So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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