why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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