god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
