Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
