A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
