After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
