Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
