i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
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wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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