I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
