We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
