I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
