I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Even my vagina gasped.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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