so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
