I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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