I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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