UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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