my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
