you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
