I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
