Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
