Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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