His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
