I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
