you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
