Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
