Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
