Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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