went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize