there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
