she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
