the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
