It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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