dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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