I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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