last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
