Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
