Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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