Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
