It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
