THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
