Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
