If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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