I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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