OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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