Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
