i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
