Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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