At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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