We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
