She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
