I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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