New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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