i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
