"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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