Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
