matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
