Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
