I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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