I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
