Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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