his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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