Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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