Just took my morning after pill in the library
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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