so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
