Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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