Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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