My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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