oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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