why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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