go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
