I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can text with my tongue
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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