remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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