you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
