ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
