He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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