i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
